His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
