How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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