you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
