I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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