if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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