Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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