My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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