A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
