Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
