The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
