Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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