I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
