Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
