Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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