y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
