some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
