Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
