I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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