I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
