Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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