yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
