also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
