Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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