So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
