i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Even my vagina gasped.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
