had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
