She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
