I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
