i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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