Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
