No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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