You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
