Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
