we have officially lost it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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