That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
