were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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