how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
