Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
