3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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