Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
