I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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