College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
