I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
