I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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