Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
