I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
