16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
