I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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