He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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