We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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