"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
